PR Firm to Target Deliveries Based on NSA-Supplied Data on Reporters’ Thoughts and Feelings

CHICAGO, December 19, 2013 – Propllr, a public relations and content marketing firm serving start-ups and growth companies, today announced that it will deliver media pitches by drone beginning January 6, 2014. The move, the culmination of 10 minutes of random thoughts and a desire to have 60 Minutes produce a puff piece on its founder, adds aerial delivery to the range of methods by which reporters can now be annoyingly and persistently contacted, including phone, email, Twitter, LinkedIn, Snapchat, Facebook, “coincidental” run-ins and Tinder.

“When it comes to drones, we shouldn’t ask ‘Why?’ we should ask ‘Why Not?’” said Propllr founder Josh Inglis. “Reporters are getting increasingly numb to PR firms’ typical communications channels, and we felt that a steadily louder whirring noise, particularly one that comes ominously from above, would be just the ticket to get our clients the exposure they deserve.”

The new drone-delivery system will also eliminate poorly targeted pitches, perhaps journalists’ biggest complaint about working with PR firms. Through a big data partnership with the National Security Agency, the terms of which cannot be disclosed (except, perhaps, by Edward Snowden), Propllr gains access to every reporter’s inner-most thoughts and private motivations.

“Popular reporter databases like Cision are great for initial research into which beats and topics reporters cover, but they don’t tell us what the reporter is thinking or feeling – in real time,” said Propllr’s Mark Meadows, who has no title because the PR firm is cool that way. “With the NSA partnership, we now know what reporters truly, deeply and even subconsciously care about, and can curate authentic pitches accordingly.”

Propllr also reports that in 2014, it will overuse terms like Real Time, Big Data, Curation and Authentic.

“Words are powerful things; in fact, they can be too powerful, and thus crowd out our clients’ messages,” said Propllr’s Betsy Gregg, who does not care she has no title because she still doesn’t even have business cards, dammit. “By using words over and over, we hope that they become vague and meaningless so we can break through the clutter and show how our clients are literally exploding with success.”

Also in 2014, Inglis plans to introduce his team to his wife, Jennifer, who they have yet to meet and whose existence they question.

About Propllr LLC

Propllr is a PR firm. www.propllr.com